Time- a blind blanket

Following others; I would be bidding bye bye to the year 2009 and welcoming 2010.

But why do that? I ask myself. Neither time is dependent on my ‘bye byes’ to go away nor is it desperate for my warm welcome. Its there because it has to be there; and shall go away when it has to. Delivering such hollow greetings does not get me in command. I am a slave to time, we all are- thus there’s no use in denying it or wearing a mask of being friends with it. Time is neither friends nor foe with anyone. It’s like that blind blanket…of opportunities, threats, risks, luck and curses which has to cover each one of us- and THAT’S REAILTY.

Reality never waits for your approval; and it doesn’t care about your denial. Each living being is its victim- and time is the biggest reality with its pockets full of honey and poison. You have to taste it all; whether you welcome it or you don’t.

I have a tornado of memories encircling my sanity- happy, sad, bitter, sweet, boring and fun all combined. I want to absorb them once more today and be ready for the new ones coming my way in my blind blanket of 2010.

Library

Recently an active exchange of poetic responses began between a friend and I. He wrote this beautiful one and sent it my way...

When storms have raged and passed away
Can gentle calm succeed?
I sleep to ease a troubled mind
Sleep is the friend, I need…
With these few words I speak my mind
You in this a quest will find
My quest is clear…seek it out
Love is a tyrant…when in doubt


I got an instantaneous inspiration; and i wrote down the following words in response:

This storm is here for eternity,
NO trace of calmness can I see…
No sleep, no rest can soothe my mind
No friend can bring me glee…
This unending quest kills me everyday,
I can’t reach where I want to be…
This doubt can be tyrant I know,
Still this love shall be a part of me…

We appreciated each other's work and then obviously forgot about it. And just today when I was having my lunch; I got another set of couplets from him in response to what I wrote a week back:


Your storm once raged and passed away,
And the gentle calm did succeed
You slept and eased a troubled mind
Yet now sleep is the friend I need
In those few words you spoke your mind…
…and yet I was so lost, dumb and blind…
Your love’s still a tyrant, there’s no doubt
I’m lost and confused; my soul wants to be out…


So I just decided to post all the three poems on my blog. But as i am typing here; I can sense the birth of yet another response to his (above written)poem...here it goes..


Why live in the memories of that storm?
That was a reality once...but now its gone…
And why depend on a gentle calm?
And why not make your wounds, your balm?
Sleep- if dream is where you belong…
Sleep- if that fake world makes you strong!
Don’t be lost, cuz they won’t find you
Don’t think much cuz those thoughts might blind you…
Love’s not tyrant; lovers are;
My heart's a proof-with its shining scars.

Her Diary...

I have this weird inclination towards solitude…just the idea of being alone in a given space and time soothes my weary senses in a very odd way. My loneliness has always proven to be this unique magical balm that massages away all my pain and sadness. Not to forget, its an impossibly dawdling process…

I call it weird and odd because I miss it when I am surrounded by people. You might see me burning the dance floor complementing my echoing laughter with my swaying body…hugging and kissing people around me…but even in that crowded moment am I longing for loneliness…craving for a place where all I can see, hear and feel is me, me and just me…

I wonder what to call it- is it an extreme obsession with myself? Maybe. My earliest memories remind me of my passionate will of pampering my mind, body and soul. Count me among those crazy individuals who when told ‘ I love you’ return the words by saying ‘ I love me too’…I like that feel of being alone because it helps me attend myself with the kind of attention that would be absent in the presence of others around me.

Or maybe, my ascending love for solitude is because of my ever-increasing realization that I have lost myself…All this hustle and bustle and worldly commotion have coerced a fake mask on me…it took me a while to realize, but now I am aware. Perhaps that loneliness helps me to keep digging deep into myself. Who knows, maybe that ‘original me’ still has some traces left within me…maybe its pining to be discovered as much as I am pining to discover it…

Curiosity

I have been a muslim since birth and shall be till death. Islam was destined for me; like it was for millions living round the globe. But the question in my mind is whether we celebrate it with each breath? Whether we safeguard it each day? Do we live Islam or have we kept it locked in our safes?

Are we the failing followers who are not able to bring the true picture to the exhibition? or the struggling believers surrounded with countless conspiracies and innumerable blames? In the current International scenario; what are we? A Predator or a prey? These seemingly simple words have a complex set of reasons, facts, situations and plannings diffused into each other- this makes it highly impossible for a normal individual like me to reach to a conclusion. Perhaps I don't even plan to reach to any conclusion; I'm working to understand this process of the world that has brought my religion to a state which is surely not enjoyable. Who's to be blamed? The religion v/s religion battle? The very notion of 'survival of the fittest'? Fundamentalism? Blames of fundamentalism? The will to attack? The will to defend? Greed to rule to world or the zeal to accept no power? Or does it get down to the simplest need of living the life?

Maybe the right answer is an amalgamation of all of the above stated points...maybe its a completely new page that my mind is ignoring in ignorance. I am just curious to find out...

Admiration

Just bcuz I never said,
and just because you never expressed
thinking you dint need to..and thinking I feel the same way too,
In those laughs and in those smiles
In those weeps and in those cries
there was no single moment...there was no single time
When you weren't aware or I dint know...
same feelings we shared;
same emotions we showed...
you tried to hide and I always hid,
but ne'er did we succeed a single bit...
the clock would strike nine...the clock would tick three
...but each others company we'd enjoy in glee
we would talk about this and things everywhere..
but never would we say what we pined to hear,
we were weak for very long...
but our silence turned this love into something so strong,
the 'wants' that we had..are now great desires...
Let's together admit today...each other we admire... =)

The struggling zeal

I'm waiting for the silence to make some noise,
I'm waiting for this lull to show its voice...

I'm wondering if this dark will progress to light,
I'm wondering if those colors will embrace my sight...

I am not sure if my words will... bring a change?
I am not sure if the world is within my range...

My past is haunting; my present ...maybe misplaced,
But my tomorrow...I promise...I'll draw in best shades.

a short excerpt from one of my many lonely nights...

As I sit here thinking what combination of words to form to transfer my thoughts onto this screen, i feel an oddly satisfying warmth in this cold night. It's raining outside, I can hear the streams sliding down through my pane, and it soothes my patience to come up with a deep thought to record in this dark mid-night.

I am keenly observing to find an inspiration to trigger my pace- is it the silence? is it the hollow echo? is it my loneliness? or is it this single tear that has quietly made its way to my ear after flowing down my right cheek; and I know it plans to wet my pillow just like the rest of them. But none of them can potentially inspire me.

I have started to believe that the harder one tries to shuffle his/her brain for ideas,the more difficult it tends to get to reach to one. Perhaps, it is in the state of sheer unconsciousness that inventiveness strikes the best.